Hey, how much is that?
Scribing at 10:32 a.m. on 2005-02-23
In the last say .. year, year and a half that I’ve been working at the shop, I’ve heard some pretty odd questions. And it’s led me to ponder the general state of people’s minds when they’re out wandering around loose by themselves.
For example: the other night I was at work; and listened with a modicum of interest to a detailed discussion between one of the artists and a potential client regarding a fairly large piece they wanted to get in lo, those most painful of areas .. the ribcage. Now, a customer who comes in and actually knows what they want is turning out to be the exception rather than the norm; but that notwithstanding, I recall thinking ‘hey, this person has really given this some thought. The piece really means something to them; and they sound like they’ve really done some research and know what they want quite clearly. Impressive!’.
This concept, carefully nurtured and smooched along by my little brain pan, lasted right up until they were on their way back to the station to sit down and actually begin the process, when they blurted out in a high keening whine ‘… it’s not going to hurt or anything, will it? It won’t hurt, right?’
*sound of my little conjecture skidding into the wall doing about 60*
No, no, my little love whippet … we’ve magically found a way to repeatedly thrust 5 to 8 needles repeatedly into your body for an hour or two without you even knowing we’re there. We cloud your mind, like The Shadow. We use stunt needles. What the FUCK?
My favorites are still the folks who call on the phone, though. I love them. Seriously, I do.
”How much would it cost to get … uh … I’ve been thinking about this one tattoo. How much would it cost?”
(Damn, and here I left all my psychic abilities in my other pants today.)
”How old do you have to be to get your nipples pierced? Oh. Well, what about if you’re ALMOST that old, how much would it cost? Oh. Well, uh .. now my niece is going to be all bummed out because she’s ALMOST that old. Can you guys just .. uh, you know, kinda .. she’s ALMOST that old. (voice getting snotty now that we’re still unwavering about the legal age) Well everybody else here is going to be getting something pierced. And she’s going to be upset that she can’t. You guys really ought to just DO it for her, you know? How RUDE. She’s ALMOST that old.
(Cool! We can ALMOST pierce her nipples then!)
Ok, that last .. I admit I actually DID say that out loud. Whups. It was hilarious though, since they called back THREE MORE TIMES to try to talk us into it. Even after we explained that it was The Law. Even after the second person told her exactly the same thing as I did. Just keep trying. Just because we say it’s illegal and we cannot by any means do it, perhaps if you just KEEP CALLING AND WEAR US DOWN we’ll give in and just do it anyway. Yeah. Sure. And we’ll love you for it, too.
”Hi, yeah, uh .. how much for like a flower? About medium size?’
And they get incredibly offended when we tell them ‘well, we’d kinda have to see the design you have in mind to quote you a price.’
Now I’m just curious. Would you call a body shop and say ‘hey, I have this dent. It’s about medium size. How much to fix it?’ What exactly IS ‘medium sized’? Who’s yardstick are we using, here? Somewhere between say, a dime and .. uh … say, an elephant seal?
‘Hey doc, I have this pain. I think something needs to be removed. How much for that? Just gimme a ballpark.’
'Hi, guys. I'm uh, looking out my window here and there's this dog in my neighbor's yard. What kind of dog IS that, anyway?'
*blink*
