Lawn signs and birthday elves
Scribing at 3:36 p.m. on 2004-10-14
Well.
Yanno, I had planned (and attempted) to be all productive.
I had this package that's needed to go to the post office since .. um .. the last administration, practically. They shut down the one post office I knew how to get to and hid all the others.
Aye, Cap'n! Here comes that little Italian man trying to mail that package again! It's his sixteenth turn around this mile radius, Sir! What shall we do?
Deflector shields UP men! Make us look like a small Greek Deli!
Fartknockers.
I followed the Diva's instructions to the letter. She really did sound like she knew what she was talking about. I said I'd call. She scoffed; and inferred I did not trust her judgement. Being a (usually) intelligent man, and one that has been reminded on an occasion or several that I do not take heed of her advice nearly enough, I hung up the phone and followed the path she set me upon. And followed it again. And thrice. I drove around that sumbitchin' 3 block radius for half a fucking hour before I had cursed myself hoarse and drove on. I'll MapQuest the bitch.
========================================
So, yesterday, our next door neighbors that we have never really been able to bond with for some weird reason (they are pale, suspicious looking people who walk from their cars to their house head down staring at the ground usually; thereby not really facilitating or inviting conversation) put a fucking Shrub/ChainMe sign on their front lawn. It is the only Shrub/ChainMe sign in about a 20 mile radius of our house. There are roughly 847 Kerry signs on our block and the next one down alone. (Of course, our neighborhood is where da workin' peoplez livez, if yiz gets mah meanin')
So .. seeing this horrendous display of gullibility and bad judgement, I, being an intelligent man, thought: AW HELL NAW. Not in MY neighborhood, pal.
I vowed to run over to the Democratic office (a convenient few blocks down) and pick up a yard sign for Kerry, because for SURE I don't want someone driving by too fast and thinking that wanking Shrub/ChainMe sign is on MY goddamn lawn.
I decided to go by after my thwarted attempt to mail aforementioned package.
I drove up, walked up to the door and saw a hand-written sign that I found both encouraging and disheartening simultaneously. It said:
Due to incredible demand, we are OUT of Kerry/Edwards lawn signs. Please do not take out your frustration on the volunteer. We expect to have more lawn signs in by Friday. Thank you.
I was highly encouraged, because they were out; because so many more people wanted them than they'd anticipated, and because I'm seeing more and more of them cropping up every single day.
Disheartened because there is none for my lawn, while there has already been one erected on my block to hopefully nullify the egregious effects of the stupid one my gullible and lemming-like neighbor put in his yard.
Ah well. I will return tomorrow in hopes of obtaining one. Because they don't have a really big one that sez: JEEBUS! ANYBODY BUT SHRUB!
========================================
Yesterday I stayed late at work to decorate the desk of a coworker who was having her 40th birthday today. Two folks called me from the Snake Pit yesterday at varying times to ask if I could do the deed; since I work in the middle of the night when no one else is about.
Well who knew. I'm the fucking birthday elf. Creeping around festooning your desk and surrounding areas while you sleep.
Ya better watch out, peanuts. The birthday elf has got his eye on you. However, I am open to bribery and distraction. So consider this when coming up on one of those milestone birthdays, and make me an offer .. before I show up at YOUR place.
